Hi Terry! You’ve been a fantastic help to me in the past. I happen to have many male friends, and any time one of them posts anything slightly questionable on my Facebook profile, he gets angry and demands to know why I’m friends with him, and insists I delete him from my friends’ list. Last night on Facebook, a friend I’ve had for the past 5 years (who happens to have a vulgar sense of humor) made a comment that I should work for Hooters because I have “assets” as a joke.

He told me that’s not good enough that I needed to delete him for saying that to me while I’m in a relationship. And that if I don’t, I’m disrespecting him. Now what’s interesting was previously we talked about meeting each other’s friends, and he said something along the lines of “It really doesn’t matter to me what my friends or girlfriend think about each other, neither will change my opinion about either one of them,” which I brought up when he suggested I delete my friend.

I stood firm and told him I already resolved the situation by talking to my friend and telling him to tone things down, and that the problem was taken care of. Sure enough, this morning he said “Did you delete that jerk yet?” so it’s clear he’s not going to drop this. I’ve never dealt with this type of boyfriend before, and it’s eating away at the relationship. I feel like the entire relationship is put on hold until I delete my friend, which I won’t ever do. Happier and safer, too.

You’re right in telling your new boyfriend that you won’t delete Mr. Assets, but it does worry me that he had such a strong reaction to a stupid but harmless comment. Your best bet is to reassure your boyfriend that you’re trustworthy and see how he reacts. If he can’t or won’t trust you, you don’t have a future together. And, even if he tells you he’ll work out his trust issues, I’d watch him carefully. Controlling behavior is often a precursor to abusive behavior.